Attachment in Film
A selection of brief movie summaries that demonstrate each of the four attachment styles in relationships (all in good fun):
Secure Attachment
The Proposal (2009)
In The Proposal, the characters of Margaret Tate (Sandra Bullock) and Andrew Paxton (Ryan Reynolds) exemplify secure attachment through their ability to communicate openly, trust each other, and support one another emotionally. Despite their initial professional relationship, Margaret and Andrew develop a genuine connection built on mutual respect and understanding. Throughout the film, they demonstrate a willingness to compromise, listen to each other's concerns, and work together to overcome obstacles. Their ability to maintain a healthy balance of independence and closeness and their genuine affection and commitment to each other reflect characteristics of secure attachment. Despite their comedic situations and challenges, Margaret and Andrew's relationship thrives due to their secure attachment style, highlighting the importance of trust and emotional security in forming lasting bonds.
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Inside Out (2015)
In Inside Out, Riley Anderson (voiced by Kaitlyn Dias) exhibits secure attachment traits through her close and supportive relationships with her family members, particularly her parents (Kyle MacLachlan and Diane Lane). Throughout the film, Riley demonstrates a secure base in her interactions with her parents, seeking comfort and guidance during distress or uncertainty. Her ability to express her emotions openly and receive validation and understanding from her family members reflects a secure attachment style. Additionally, the interactions between the various emotions inside Riley's mind, such as Joy (Amy Poehler) and Sadness (Phyllis Smith) working together to navigate challenges, exemplify the importance of secure attachment in promoting emotional resilience and well-being. Overall, Inside Out portrays secure attachment as a foundation for healthy emotional development and relationships.
Up (2009)
In Up, the characters of Carl (voiced by Ed Asner) and Ellie Fredricksen exemplify secure attachment through their unwavering love, mutual support, and deep emotional connection. From childhood friendship to marriage, Carl and Ellie demonstrate a strong bond characterized by trust, communication, and understanding. Despite facing various challenges and setbacks throughout their lives, including infertility and the loss of their dream to visit Paradise Falls, their relationship is resilient. Their ability to share their hopes, dreams, and fears openly and their willingness to compromise and adapt to life's changes together reflect characteristics of secure attachment. Even after Ellie's death, Carl still cherishes their memories and honors their shared dreams, highlighting the power of secure attachment to sustain and enrich relationships. Their story serves as a reminder of the profound impact of secure attachment.
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Instant Family (2018)
Instant Family depicts secure attachment through the evolving relationships between the foster children and their foster parents, Pete (Mark Wahlberg) and Ellie (Rose Byrne) Wagner. Despite initial challenges and uncertainties, Pete and Ellie provide the children with a nurturing and stable environment, offering love, support, safety, and consistency. Through their commitment to understanding and meeting the children's emotional needs, Pete and Ellie create a secure base from which they can explore and develop. The film highlights the importance of trust, communication, and empathy in building secure attachments. Pete and Ellie work to establish a sense of belonging and security for the foster children within their families. Overall, Instant Family emphasizes the transformative power of secure attachment in fostering resilience, healing, and lasting connections within adoption and foster care.
Anxious Preoccupied
Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)
Bridget Jones's Diary portrays the character of Bridget Jones (Renée Zellweger) as exhibiting an anxious preoccupied attachment style through her constant preoccupation with her romantic relationships and fear of abandonment. Bridget's insecurities and anxieties about her weight, career, and love life dominate her thoughts, constantly leading her to seek validation and reassurance from others, particularly men—such as Mark Darcy (Colin Firth) and Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant). She becomes overly dependent on external sources of approval and validation, often feeling unworthy or unlovable without a partner. Bridget's tendency to overanalyze situations, obsess over perceived flaws, and fear rejection highlights her anxious preoccupied attachment style, which drives much of the comedic and dramatic tension in the film as she navigates the complexities of love and self-acceptance.
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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
In Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the character of Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet) embodies an anxious preoccupied attachment style through her impulsive behavior, fear of rejection, and constant need for reassurance in romantic relationships. Clementine's tumultuous past and unresolved emotional baggage contribute to her deep-seated insecurities and anxieties about love. She often seeks validation from her partners and becomes easily overwhelmed by doubts and fears of abandonment, leading her to act erratically and push people away as a defense mechanism. Clementine's tendency to idealize romantic connections and fear intimacy, combined with her chronic preoccupation with the state of her relationships, exemplifies the anxious preoccupied attachment style and drives much of the emotional complexity in the film as she grapples with the consequences of erasing memories of her past relationship with Joel Barish (Jim Carrey).
The Notebook (2004)
In The Notebook, the character of Allie Hamilton (Rachel McAdams) exhibits an anxious preoccupied attachment style through her intense preoccupation with her romantic relationship and fear of abandonment. Allie's deep-seated insecurities and anxieties about love stem from her tumultuous relationship with her parents and societal expectations. She becomes emotionally dependent on Noah Calhoun (Ryan Gosling), constantly seeking reassurance and validation from him to alleviate her fears of being unloved or abandoned. Allie's tendency to overanalyze their relationship, interpret ambiguous behaviors as signs of rejection, and cling to Noah despite external pressures highlights her anxious preoccupied attachment style. This attachment pattern drives much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in the film as Allie navigates the complexities of love, commitment, and self-discovery.
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Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011)
In Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011), the character of Cal Weaver (Steve Carell) embodies traits of an anxious preoccupied attachment style following his wife's request for a divorce. Throughout the film, Cal exhibits a profound fear of abandonment and a desperate need for validation and reassurance from others, particularly as he navigates the complexities of dating after his long-term relationship. His constant seeking of advice and approval from his friend Jacob (Ryan Gosling) and his persistent attempts to win back his ex-wife, Emily (Julianne Moore), highlights his anxious preoccupation with maintaining relationships and avoiding loneliness. Cal's emotional turmoil underscores the challenges and insecurities inherent in an anxious preoccupied attachment style, ultimately contributing to the film's exploration of love, vulnerability, and personal growth. Cal discovers the importance of self-love and acceptance, leading him to forge healthier, more balanced relationships.
Dismissive Avoidant
Chocolat (2000)
In Chocolat, the character of Comte de Reynaud (Alfred Molina) exhibits dismissive avoidant behavior through his rigid adherence to societal norms and reluctance to engage emotionally with others. As the mayor of the small French village, he upholds strict traditions. He condemns anything that deviates from the norm, including the arrival of Vianne Rocher (Juliette Binoche) and her unconventional chocolaterie. Comte de Reynaud's dismissive avoidant tendencies are evident in his refusal to acknowledge his emotions and vulnerabilities instead of prioritizing control and order. He distances himself from personal connections, viewing them threatening his carefully constructed façade of authority and respectability. His strained relationship with his own family, particularly his estranged daughter, further highlights his fear of intimacy and emotional closeness. Overall, Comte de Reynaud's character in Chocolat portrays the challenges and consequences of dismissive avoidant behavior in relationships.
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500 Days of Summer (2009)
In 500 Days of Summer, the protagonist, Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), displays dismissive avoidant behavior through his idealization of Summer Finn (Zooey Deschanel), his resistance to emotional intimacy, and his fear of commitment. Tom fixates on an idealized version of Summer, projecting his desires onto her rather than understanding her as an individual. Despite Summer's clear indication that she does not want a serious relationship, Tom persists in pursuing her, unable to accept her boundaries. As their relationship progresses, Tom's idealized image of Summer clashes with the reality of who she is, leading to frustration and disillusionment. When Summer ends the relationship, Tom withdraws emotionally and struggles to come to terms with the breakup, resorting to fantasies and nostalgia rather than confronting his emotions directly. This pattern of behavior exemplifies the dismissive avoidant tendency to avoid emotional intimacy and commitment, ultimately leading to difficulties in forming and sustaining meaningful connections.
Lost in Translation (2003)
In Lost in Translation, the character of Bob Harris (Bill Murray) exhibits dismissive avoidant behavior through his emotional detachment and reluctance to engage authentically with those around him. As a washed-up actor staying at a luxury hotel in Tokyo, Bob struggles with disillusionment and alienation, which he attempts to cope with by withdrawing into himself. He finds it difficult to connect with his wife over the phone, and he displays a lack of interest in the superficial interactions of his surroundings. Bob's dismissive avoidant tendencies become particularly apparent when he bonds with Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson), a young woman experiencing similar isolation. Despite their growing connection, Bob hesitates to fully invest emotionally, maintaining a guarded demeanor and resisting the potential for genuine intimacy. His reluctance to confront his vulnerabilities and engage in meaningful relationships ultimately underscores the film's exploration of loneliness and disconnection in the modern world.
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La La Land (2015)
In La La Land, the character of Sebastian Wilder (Ryan Gosling) embodies dismissive avoidant behavior through his resistance to emotional intimacy and fear of commitment. As a passionate jazz musician pursuing his dreams in Los Angeles, Sebastian initially appears aloof and disconnected from those around him, including his romantic interest, Mia Dolan (Emma Stone). Despite their undeniable chemistry, Sebastian struggles to fully open up to Mia, preferring to keep his emotions guarded and maintain a sense of independence. Sebastian's single-minded pursuit of his career aspirations, which he often prioritizes over his relationships, further highlights his reluctance to engage in deep, meaningful connections. Ultimately, Sebastian's dismissive avoidant tendencies contribute to his challenges in forming a lasting and fulfilling partnership with Mia, underscoring the film's exploration of love, ambition, and sacrifice. His journey is a poignant reminder of the delicate balance between having goals and keeping relationships.
Fearful Avoidant
Benny & Joon (1993)
In Benny & Joon, the character of Juniper "Joon" Pearl (Mary Stuart Masterson) exhibits fearful avoidant behavior through her struggle to navigate intimate relationships due to her mental health challenges and fear of abandonment. Traumatized by the loss of her parents at a young age and struggling with unspecified mental illness, Joon displays a pattern of pushing away those who try to get close to her, including her brother, Benny, and her potential romantic interest, Sam (Johnny Depp). Despite her deep affection for Sam, Joon's fear of vulnerability and dependency causes her to resist forming a more profound connection, fearing that it will ultimately lead to abandonment or rejection. Throughout the film, Joon's internal conflict between her desire for connection and her fear of being hurt underscores the challenges of overcoming fearful avoidant attachment patterns and finding genuine intimacy amidst personal struggles and emotional barriers.
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Silver Linings Playbook (2012)
In Silver Linings Playbook, both main characters, Pat Solitano Jr. (Bradley Cooper) and Tiffany Maxwell (Jennifer Lawrence), demonstrate fearful avoidant behavior as they grapple with their emotional wounds and fear of intimacy. Pat, recently released from a mental health facility after a breakdown caused by discovering his wife's infidelity, struggles to connect with others and fears someone hurting him again. Tiffany, dealing with her grief and trauma following the death of her husband, also pushes people away while craving emotional connection. Despite their initial resistance to vulnerability, Pat and Tiffany form a bond based on their shared experiences, yet they struggle with their fears and insecurities throughout the film. Their journey toward accepting their vulnerabilities and opening up to each other underscores the challenges of overcoming fearful avoidant attachment patterns and finding true intimacy. They ultimately learn to confront their deepest fears, illustrating the transformative power of human connection.
Batman Begins (2005)
In Batman Begins, the character of Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) embodies fearful avoidant behavior through his struggle to balance his desire for connection with his fear of vulnerability and abandonment. Traumatized by witnessing his parents' murder as a child, Bruce develops deep-seated trust issues and a fear of forming close relationships. He pushes away those who try to get close to him, including his childhood friend Rachel Dawes (Katie Holmes), out of fear of being hurt or abandoned. Despite his longing for connection, Bruce's fear of emotional intimacy leads him to maintain a solitary existence, relying on his symbolic alter ego, Batman, to protect himself from further pain. Throughout the film, Bruce's internal conflict between his desire for connection and his fear of rejection underscores the challenges of overcoming fearful avoidant attachment patterns and finding genuine intimacy in the face of adversity and injustice.
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A Star Is Born (2018)
In A Star Is Born (2018), the characters of Jackson "Jack" Maine (Bradley Cooper) and Ally (Stefani Germanotta, aka "Lady Gaga") exemplify elements of fearful avoidant attachment as they navigate their tumultuous romantic relationship. Jack's struggles with addiction, emotional volatility, and fear of abandonment manifest in his erratic behavior and self-destructive tendencies, causing him to push Ally away despite his deep love for her. On the other hand, Ally grapples with her insecurities and fear of intimacy, particularly in the shadow of Jack's fame and troubled past. Her hesitation to fully commit to Jack stems from her fear of being hurt or abandoned, leading to a cycle of push-pull dynamics and emotional turbulence in their relationship. Despite their undeniable connection, Jack and Ally's fearful avoidant attachment styles ultimately contribute to the challenges and tragedies that unfold throughout the film, underscoring the complexities of love and attachment in internal and external pressures.